Señor Ground Beefo!

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! 25 today. Quarter life crisis in full...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 11:13:00 -0400

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!

25 today. Quarter life crisis in full swing. May as well dance.

For World Water Day my girlfriend and I took to Piedmont Park in...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0400

For World Water Day my girlfriend and I took to Piedmont Park in Atlanta to spread the word and collect donations using Square! A special thanks to everyone who donated and to Zach Beiser for some sweet pictures! Check out www.waterwithjake.org to donate some cash to bring clean water to underdeveloped nations!

Been seeing the “pretty girl ugly face” craze going...

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 00:34:48 -0500

Been seeing the “pretty girl ugly face” craze going around so I convinced the girlfriend to partake.

waterwithjake: At last, the first milestone in the Water With...

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:08:01 -0500

waterwithjake:

At last, the first milestone in the Water With Jake campaign: watch a horrible movie on repeat for 24 hours!

This is a timelapse video of 10 consecutive viewings of Gigli, rated as one of the worst movies of all time with a score of 7% on Rotten Tomatoes. We’ll post the behind the scenes soon!

Want to see more ridiculous stunts like these? Check out the sidebar on our site to see more milestones and donate to the campaign!

Be sure and like this project on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!

This project benefits charity: water, a non-profit dedicated to bringing clean, drinkable water to those in underdeveloped nations. charity: water does not sponsor this campaign. For more information, visit http://www.charitywater.org

Hey guys, if you feel like taking a break from the boob jokes and masturbating, I’d love it if you checked out this Tumblr site I’ve launched to chart my progress with a charity project I’ve opened. I’m pledging to do and film ridiculous stunts every time your donations bring me to a major milestone. So head to www.waterwithjake.org and give it a follow, watch some stunt videos, and please donate!

100% of your donation funds clean water projects in underdeveloped nations and goes a long way to saving a lot of lives, and humiliating me in the process.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

TITS

Photo

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 23:18:10 -0400

But really...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 22:41:33 -0400

we’re all just looking for that special someone who will join you in an evil scheme laugh.

A little sneak peek at my first home! No more of this pissing...

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 21:29:00 -0400

A little sneak peek at my first home! No more of this pissing away cash on rent shit.

I’m enormously excited for a place to call my own, and where I won’t get any guff from management about installing a Party Button.

Some people think this is lame, and we call those people terrorists.

Doesn’t understand commerce LOL.

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 17:06:19 -0400

Doesn’t understand commerce LOL.

Fun fact. Anyone can look like an action movie star if...

Fri, 05 Oct 2012 19:27:37 -0400

Fun fact. Anyone can look like an action movie star if they’re sweating.

Social Experiment

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:00:23 -0400

One of my classmates from high school constantly complains about guys who hit on her, proposition her, do all sorts of weird shit. For the most part when a hot girl complains about her attention woes I tell her to shut up and enjoy it before you get old and saggy and that there are kids dying in Africa and shit.

But this time I opted for a social experiment.

With her amused approval, I pulled some of her Facebook pics and made a fake online dating profile under a pseudonym.

2 hours. 33 fucking messages. Every single one more retarded than the last.

Wow. Ladies. On behalf of my entire gender, I am sorry.

10 Random Facts

Mon, 03 Sep 2012 01:05:00 -0400

HAY GUYS LET’S BE ALL EXHIBITIONIST AND POST TEN RANDOM FACTS K:

I RARELY use Tumblr, as evidenced by this post. My intellect comes in short brief spurts, not unlilke my sex life.
I never cry at movies, except for one. Absolutely and without fail, I cry at this scene from Children of Men.
Big fan of Simple. I’m one of their beta testers and it’s all I talk about. I recommend you sign up. I even just applied to work for them, but I’d have to move to Portland which is exactly the opposite end of the country from my current city of Atlanta and I just know my mother would have a heart attack.
Related: I’m kind of a nerd.
Though I’ve dated here and there, I’ve been officially single for over three years. It both completely sucks and totally rules.
I currently work at a job I hate. Been seriously contemplating starting my own business so I can stop answering to dumbass bosses.
Sometimes I think life sucks but then I remember I’m in my early 20s and I don’t have a kid so life’s pretty fucking OK. Then I go run laps or masturbate to get some endorphins.
I can’t grow a beard. Just peach fuzz. I’ve seriously considered Rogaine or something because I want to make funny shapes with a beard.
The lease on my apartment ends on the 30th, at which point I’ll have no bills and a little cash in my pocket. I’ve been considering just bouncing around the US staying with friends for a while. Will any of you volunteer your couches? I was thinking of making a little site where my Twitter friends can volunteer their places.
It took me three hours to write this post because I kept flicking over to other tabs in Chrome. Might want to get myself checked for ADD.

That’s all folks! I need to delete this damn thing.

I went on a date the other night!

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 17:56:21 -0400

I picked her up.

Treated her to dinner.

We saw a movie.

I opened doors.

Was a perfect gentleman.

And I brought her home!

…

Oh, THAT’S why I’m single guys!

Yesterday I had one of the biggest scares of my life. I was on...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 17:32:29 -0400

Yesterday I had one of the biggest scares of my life. I was on my way to an interview when I got a call from my father that my mother had been hit by a vehicle on the highway and lost control, plowing into the concrete median head on, and that she had been admitted to the hospital. The driver of the car that lost control had fled the scene.

Needless to say, I did horribly on the interview, and afterwards headed straight to the hospital, where my mother was hooked to an IV and a neck brace. She was loopy from the medicine and bruised up, but otherwise fine.

Facing your own mortality is one thing; facing your mother’s mortality is another thing entirely. It was in this moment that I realized that, even though it wasn’t this day, my mother wouldn’t be here one day. It filled me with a deep sadness.

Also, if any of my Atlanta friends spot a black Mazda with Texas plates and severe front damage, get those plates and message me. I want to put this bitch in jail.

MARRY ME YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING.

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 23:04:00 -0400

MARRY ME YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING.

Sometimes my brain thinks up the stupidest things...

Sat, 17 Mar 2012 02:58:25 -0400

… like tonight, for example. I watched a movie trailer for an independent romantic comedy and noticed towards the end that the leading man and woman had the same last name.

And naturally, my first reaction was: “Ew! So you’re falling in love and making out with your sister onscreen?! Gross.”

And then I thought about it a second time and said: “Well, I guess they’re just really dedicated to telling this story. Maybe they both wrote it? I shouldn’t judge.”

Then, of course, I thought about it a third time and finally realized maybe they’re just married and that’s why they share a last name and I’m a fucking moron.

Someone just get me a book to color in.

Moving In

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 01:31:00 -0500

In other news, I move into my new home tomorrow. First big boy place.

Pics to come. Bitchin’ 80s housewarming party to come after that.

So I don’t normally nerd out, nor do I play many console...

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 01:29:00 -0500

So I don’t normally nerd out, nor do I play many console games. I find the endless stream of first-person-shooters saturating the market to be utterly retarded and you already may know about my thoughts on Resident Evil. But Assassin’s Creed has always held a special place in my game library because of its heavy lean on historical fiction, which I love. Yes, you’re still killing countless people. But the people you’re killing are real, historical figures that died by causes unknown in our real history. So I learn through the art of murderrrrr!

Which is why this photo leak, brought to my attention by @mantispants, really got my freak juice flowing. I’ve always viewed Assassin’s Creed’s main character Desmond as sort of a framing device through whom we get to explore different historical settings and timeframes by way of his many assassin ancestors. Which is why I’m glad to see this photo suggest a new character and American Revolution setting; I was getting a little sick of AC 2 and AC 2.5 and AC let’s-do-some-more-of-the-same-damn-character-just-in-1500s-Constantinople thing.

Now the only question is, do I get to give King George III a hatchet-blade death cuddle? Is Ben Franklin going to be my new Q, like Da Vinci was in AC2? Do I get to befriend George Washington and do his secret bidding to ensure Amurrica’s victory over the British? The possibilities are endless, and I’m freaking out. And also regretting drinking those three cups of coffee before bed.

Boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyooing.

Photo

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 23:58:00 -0500

Wait. No. No. Wait. Wait… YES.

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 23:27:57 -0500

Wait. No. No. Wait.

Wait…

YES.

Oh. My. God.

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 20:29:00 -0500

Oh. My. God.